Mark: Malucci's not the first doctor to be caught performing an unauthorized physical in the hospital, Kerry.
Peter: Mr.Carter, this man has stopped breathing and he would appreciate if he could do so again. Please intibate him.
Malik: Carter's loaded?
Jerry: Yep.
Malik: Like, millions?
Jerry: Tens of millions.
Malik: Guy could give everyone here a mil and never miss it.
Jerry: Wish I'da been nicer to him.
Carol: Well, you just mouth the words. That's what I do.
Susan: Well who sings?.....
Carol: Well I'm working on that. (Carter walks by. Carol smiles, pleasently) Carter!-
Carter: No, no, no, no. Chronic tonedeaf and acute stage fright.
Carol: On the twelth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....uhhh....
::everyone enters::
Doug: 12 tone-deaf doctors
Mark: 11 lords a lording.
Susan: 10 drummers drumming.
Carter: 9 something something.
Lydia: 8 maids a milking.
Malik: 7 swans a swatting.
Harper: 6 geese a gagging.
Everyone: 5 golden rings! 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree!
Mark: Tough day guys?
Doug&Susan: Dont ask.
::pause::
Susan: Is there anything to eat?
Mark: I think theres some Hagus left.
Susan: Whats that?
Mark: Dont ask.
Susan: Haleh, have you seen Carter?
Haleh: Is he missing again?
Chuny: Oh no girl, Alex and I broke up.
Wendy: What happened, I thought he was the man.
Chuny: Yeah, so did my neighbor.
Yosh: Ouch.
Lady: Have you ever done any film work.
Mark: Uh, no.
Lydia: You did that instrucional video last year.
Mark: Ah yes. Im the star of How to intibate.
Carter: Ive been dishonest, Ive been arrogant, Ive been- jump in if you disagree.
Harper: No, youve been a real schmuck.
Kerry: Gang banger in a fist fight.
Mark: Fist fight? Thats quaint.
Mark: Your mission, should you chose to accept it, which you will because you have no choice, is to move these people out so that we can move these people in.
Carter: Super glue?
Mark: Just touch the bead, you hit the skin, youre in trouble.
(patient moves his head)
Carter and Mark: Dont move!
::nurses look at clock and sigh at same time::
Mark: There a problem?
Lydia: Two o'clock....
Carol: Bars are closing...
Haleh: Theyre getting in their cars...
Lydia: Going too fast...
Haleh: Swerving...
Carol: Crashing...
Haleh: Paramedics are rolling them out...
Lydia: Scooping them up...
Carol: And dropping them on our doorstep.
Dave: That guy's a piece of work, huh?
Randi: And youre not?
Kerry: So you really think Susan Lewis would make a good chief resident?
Mark: Yes, I do.
::Kerry exits::
Conni: What was that about?
Mark: I think I just sold my soul to the devil.
Mark: Hospital fights to keep this place open. Its great for business- stomach cramping, gastrointestinitus... this place is a goldmine.
Lydia: Benton on the way?
Carter: No, I'm the surgical consult.
::Carter takes Chart and leaves::
Carol: He'll be fine.
Lydia: God help the patients
Doctor: It's Carter, right?
Carter: Right, yeah.
Doctor: All right, shut up Carter and page me in half an hour.
Peter: Where's Carter?
Haleh: Do I look like his mother?
Lydia: Carter have a nice night?
Conni: Ohhh yeah.
Haleh: Boy will fetch, heal over, and play dead if you ask him to.
::Carter walks in, a box in hand::
Carter: Doughnuts! Lydia, doughnut? I bought them for the nurses.
Carter: Betty, I'm sorry, I can't help you. I'm late and I'm gonna die soon.
Kerry: You know Mark, just because it's my suggestion doesn't make it, by deffinition, a bad idea.
::Kerry leaves::
Susan: She has a way of making you feel really small, doesn't she?
Carol: Who do you think Thomas was?
Carter: This is gonna sound crazy but, oddly enough... I think Thomas was his dog.
Carol: Dog?
Carter: Yeah, at one point I think he thought I was Thomas. He pulled me in close, ear to his mouth and he whispered- "Kibble, Kibble, Kibble, Kibble."
::Carol tries not to laugh::
Carter: It was oddly touching.
::Carol laughs::
Carter: It WAS Carol!
Mark: If I ever get this old, I was "Do not recesitate" tatooed on my forehead.
Doug: It's Halloween. Every freak in the city is out there.
Jerry: Not true, half of them are in here!
Mark and Susan are in the helicopter, Susan's scared.
Mark: Deep breath... let it out slowly.
Susan: OK. ::breathes:: My knees won't move
Mark: Susan, you should look at this.... Susan, what are you doing?
Susan: I'm hyperventhalating, leave me alone.
Carter: Pain is MU.
Patient: Whats that?
Carter: We'll discuss that later (closes curtain) Better order a CBC, Chem 7, and a C-Spine.
Haleh: (softly) What exactly is MU?
Carter: (softly) Made Up.
Haleh: You think he's faking?
Carter: Oh yeah.
Chuny: Competition pretty stiff?
Mark: Bout 5'4", red hair, with a limp
Doris: That guy just stole my rig!
Dave: What guy?
Doris: That wound check guy!
Dave: That sucks.
Carter: Hey Maggie, got anything interesting?
Maggie: Carol dropped a clock on Weavers head.
Carter: Intentionally?
Kerry: What are all those people doing out there?
Frank: Sick, I guess.
Kerry: Thank you for that abstute and penetrating observation, Frank!
Kerry: Dr. Malucci, if I don't see you standing over a patient looking compassionate and engaged in the next 30 seconds, you're gonna spend the rest of the week doing nothing but disenpaction and yeast infections!
Carter: (to lady) Any chance you're pregant?
Guy: No, deffinately not.
Carter: Ha! I like this guy.... Not you, her!
Carter: Dr.Benton, I'm pregnant.
Mark: Yikes, what is that?
Carter: It's a picture of Benton's appendix in a jar on my mantle.
Susan: Remind me again why are we doing this?
Mark: Because sticking his hand in a bucket of warm water would be juvenille.
Mark: Remember when we were gonna change the world?
Doug: Nah, I was only in it for the money.
Mark: Carter! Time to play surgeon!
Carter: What's her problem?
Anspaugh: She has fluid overload.
Carter: Well I wouldnt give her anything to drink.
Dale: What'd he eat for breakfast?
Carter: Me.
Gabe: You're not supposed to be able to read a physicians handwriting. Didn't I teach you that in med school?
Romano: Tell me you know what poison ivy looks like.
Elizabeth: ...Poison ivy.... is that in Wisconsin?
Romano: Ohh boy...
Susan: Funny. That's not how I remember you
Carter jumps, hitting head on the desk and swears
Susan: That is!
Mark: (of Anspaugh) Doug did a round at Southside. Said the guy's a bit of a crackpot.
Kerry: Might want to consider the source of that evaluation.
Carol: Carter went home to bed. Benton's been beating up on him pretty bad lately.
Jeanie: I'm shocked and horrified to hear that.
Susan: Isn't this exciting?
Mark: Yeah, like a Jr.High assembly.
::Kerry walks by::
Susan: Oh, here comes the assistant principle.
::Carol, close to 9 mon. pregnant yawns::
Carol: Morning. How're you?
Patient: I've been better.
Carol: Yeah, me too.
Mark: So, Mr.Johnsons is V-Tach.
Lydia: Paddles?
Mark: Why not.
Lydia: Charge?
Mark: You pick.
Lydia: 200?
Mark: 200 it is. Clear ::shock:: Next contestant. Do I hear 300?
Haleh: 300, sure.
Mark: 300 from the stunning woman in the floral scrubs. Clear ::shock:: I'll see you 300, and raise you 360. Clear ::shock::
Mark: Congradulations Mr.Johnson, you are the lucky winner of a brand new ventillator, at the cost of $5,000 dollars a day. And as a bonus, a chest x-ray, perfect for decorating the small, sterile hospital room where you're going to be spending the rest of your brief, unconcious life.
Anspaugh: Textook treatment for hypercalcimia...unfortunately, this patient has hyPOcalcimia, and you've just stopped his heart. Rest in Peace Mr. Edmanson.
Abby: What kind of car do you think she'd [Alexis] drive?
Carter: I don't know...A lexus? Ha! Get it? Alexis....No.
Chuny: Peter, Carter's on the radio, he needs to talk to you.
Benton: Not now.
Chuny: He's preforming a double amputation by himself!
Benton: What!?!
Elizabeth: Stop being such a nervous Nelly!
Mark: Ok one, don't call me Nelly.
Romano: You wanna be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, you have my blessing. Go forth and multiply.
Mark: I had an uncle who was a closet ballerina.
Carter: She's very mature for her age. You know, she's cool, she's fine, she's-
Abby: She's Britney Spear's little sister!
Mark: I'm not wearing a kilt.
Elizabeth: You'd look reeaaaallly good in a kilt.
Romano: Lizzie, I heard you're doing an ex-lap on a GSW?
Elizabeth: You heard correctly.
Romano: Think you can still reach the table?
Elizabeth: At least I can see the table.
Nurse: Have you seen Morganstern?
Doug: No.
Mark: Have you seen Susan?
Doug: Am I the hall monitor? No!
Doug: What are some of the voices that Ozzie doesn't hear?
Lady: My mother. She says really terrible, terrible things. She thinks I'm a bad mother.
Doug: And your mother lives with you?
Lady: Ooooh no, no, no. She's dead.
Doug: But you still... hear...her?
Lady: Mmm....hmmm...
Doug: And what are some of the other voices?
Lady: My ex-husband. And Diana.
Doug: Diana?
Lady: The Princess of Whales! Does that ring a bell!?!
Carter: You know how to hot-wire a car?
Susan: Learned it from one of Chloe's boyfriends. He's in jail now. Grand-theft auto.
Div: Please, I snapped at a desk clerk.
Susan: He's not a desk clerk, he's Jerry!
Mrs. Benton: Carter.... you got people in Tenesse?
Carter: On my father's side.
Mrs. Benton: (to Peter) I think his people owner our people.
Lydia: Dr. Ross, we got a patient.
Doug: I'm not a grown-up doctor.
Lydia: Oh we all know that.
Susan and Mark are talking about Carter while he sleeps
Susan: He's kinna cute.
Mark: Really?
Susan: Yeah, he's got great eyes.... thick hair...
Mark: That was a low blow.
Kerry: Being a good doctor isn't just about great saves.
Dave: Oh what, I need to adopt your cheery attitude and sparkling bedside manner?
Abby: This morning I had to go over to his appartment to get one of my sweaters and I smashed his fishtank.
Carter: Why?
Abby: Not on purpose!
Abby: What are they going to arrest us for? Aquatic mischief?
Carter: They always drive this fast?
Mark: Yep.
Carter: They ever hit anybody?
Mark: All the time. (Mark casually eats a sandwich)
Carter: How can you eat in this???
Mark: Hungry!
Carol: Why are you under the sheet?
Man: Because I've been dead for the past 2 days.
Carol: But you're still suffering from persistant headaches?
Man: Oh boy, am I ever.
Carol: And what brought on these headaches?
Man: Death.
Carol: How you doing Mr. Conley? Still dead?
Man: Oh yeah, very. But my head feels much better, though.
Carol: That's good.
Carter: Jing-My.... Jing-Myna.. Jing.... Frank, what is it again?
Frank: I don't know what she calls herself!
Carter: (while looking right at Abby) I would never touch Luka's cookies. |
